Gaia Community: Tracy's Blog

15 STYLES OF DISTORTED THINKING

http://tracyat.gaia.com — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 19:35:28 GMT

By Author Unknown

1. Filtering: You take the negative details and magnify them while filtering out all positive aspects of a situation.

2. Polarized Thinking: Things ate black or white, good or bad. You have to be perfect or you're a failure. There is no middle ground..

3. Overgeneralization: You come to a general conclusion based on a single incident or piece of evidence. something bad happens once you expect it to happen over and over again

4. Mind Reading: Without their saying so, you know what people are feeling and why they act the way they do. In particular, you are able to divine how people are feeling toward you.

5. Catastrophizing: You expect disaster. You notice or hear about a problem and start "what if's:" What if tragedy strikes? What if it happens to you?"

6. Personalization: Thinking that everything people do or say is some kind of reaction to you. You also compare yourself to others, trying to determine who's smarter, better looking, etc.

7. Control Fallacies: If you feel externally controlled, you see yourself as helpless, a victim of fate. The fallacy of internal control has you responsible for the pain and happiness of everyone around you.

8. Fallacy of Fairness: You feel resentful because you think you know what's fair but other people won't agree with you.

9. Blaming: You hold other people responsible for your pain, or take the other tack and blame yourself for every problem or reversal.

10. Shoulds: You have a list of ironclad rules about how you and other people should act. People who break the rules anger you and you feel guilty if you violate the rules.

11. Emotional Reasoning: You believe that what you feel must be true - automatically. If you feel stupid and boring, then you must be stupid and
boring.

12. Fallacy of Change: You expect that other people will change to suit you if you just pressure or cajole them enough. You need to change people because your hopes for happiness seem to depend entirely on them.

13. Global Labeling: You generalize one or two qualities into a negative global judgment.

14. Being Right: You are continually on trial to prove that your opinions and actions are correct. Being wrong is unthinkable and you will go to any length to demonstrate your rightness.

15. Heaven's Reward Fallacy: You expect all your sacrifice and self-denial to pay off, as if there were someone keeping score. You feel bitter when the rewards don't happen.

Tags: 15 styles of distorted thinking

Thanks for stopping in to visit.

http://tracyat.gaia.com — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 01:09:17 GMT

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Ecademy

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My home page is http://www.tracy-phaup.com/

You can also see some of the other things that I'm up to at
Famous Quotes and Inspirational Quotes
The Coaching Challenge
Lifespring and Landmark Graduates
Love Quotes and Love Poems
The Phaup, Turner and Thigpen Family
Visionary Families
Visionary Team Building

Greetings, and welcome!

Thanks for stopping in to visit.

I have a lot of different ways you can get to know me and I love connecting with people so feel free to connect with me on the following services.

Info@Tracy-Phaup.com

LinkedIn

Ecademy

Zaadz

MySpace

My home page is http://www.Tracy-Phaup.com

You can also see some of the other things that I'm up to at
Famous Quotes and Inspirational Quotes
The Coaching Challenge
Lifespring and Landmark Graduates
Love Quotes and Love Poems
The Phaup, Turner and Thigpen Family
Visionary Families
Visionary Team Building

Tags: network, networking, thanks

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http://tracyat.gaia.com — Wed, 14 Mar 2007 16:12:52 GMT

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Tags: zaadz, blog, tracy, tracy a. phaup, tracy phaup, subscribe

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http://tracyat.gaia.com — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 21:03:09 GMT

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Send a Holiday Card to a Soldier

http://tracyat.gaia.com — Tue, 07 Nov 2006 13:55:35 GMT

Xerox is sponsoring Holiday Cards for our Troops!!

This is really neat. If you go to this website, http://www.letssaythanks.com you can pick out a thank you card and Xerox will print it, and it will be sent to a soldier that is currently serving in Iraq. You can't pick out who gets it, but it will go to some member of the armed services.

How AMAZING it would be if we could get everyone we know to send one!!! This is a great site. Please send a card.

It is FREE and it only takes a second.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if the soldiers received a bunch of these? Whether you are for or against the war, our guys and gals over there need to know we are behind them... Please pass this on............... Thanks

Tags: holiday, holidays, christmas, soldiers, soldier, thank you, serving, iraq

The Adventure Continues...

http://tracyat.gaia.com — Mon, 06 Nov 2006 21:51:21 GMT

Here's an ongoing update on what's been cooking lately - I guess I just want to start getting the word out so that people can start taking advantage!

I'm scanning my mom's old pictures in and sharing them on both my Flickr account and at http://www.phaup-turner-family.com

The site includes information about the Phaup family - which is on my mother's side - and the Turner family - from my dad's, and the Thigpen family, which my sister Paige married into.

Most of them were taken in Virginia and it's a real hoot and holler to see how many pictures of the Phaups were taken that included their huntin' dogs!

Even the prom pictures!

Ya gotta laugh.

The Thought For The Day is going like gangbusters and I've been LOVING! working on it. We'd love to have you come on over and subscribe!

On the weird side - at least for me- I just got out of the hospital yesterday after about a week long stay.

They kept trying to hold off on surgery while I was there because they didn't think I would survive it, but during the discharge planning yesterday the doctor told me that he didn't think I was going to live long enough to get out of the hospital.

I know that for one thing it certainly makes me appreciate what a miracle it is to be alive but other than that it just kind of weirds me out - not sure what I'll end making of that!

I'll come back and update this post as I can for the latest and greatest!

Take care, all -
Tracy A. Phaup
www.Tracy-Phaup.com

Tags: phaup, turner, life, living, precious, love

In Loving Memory of Joanne Sinckler-Mack - You are dearly missed!

http://tracyat.gaia.com — Tue, 10 Oct 2006 19:28:40 GMT

10/19/1953 - 11/21/2005

The next night from the Flock came Kirk Maynard Gull, wobbling across the sand, dragging his left wing, to collapse at Jonathan's feet. "Help me," he said very quietly, speaking in the way that the dying speak. "I want to fly more than anything else in the world..."

"Come along then." said Jonathan. "Climb with me away from the ground, and we'll begin."

"You don't understand My wing. I can't move my wing."

"Maynard Gull, you have the freedom to be yourself, your true self, here and now, and nothing can stand in your way. It is the Law of the Great Gull, the Law that Is."

"Are you saying I can fly?"

"I say you are free."

-Jonathan Livingston Seagull

http://www.phaup-turner-family.com/in-loving-memory-of-joanne-sinckler-mack/index.php

Tags: joanne, sinckler-mack, sinckler, memorial, memory, memory of, suicide, suicide prevention

Adopt A Soldier

http://tracyat.gaia.com — Thu, 07 Sep 2006 17:15:50 GMT

An incredible way to brighten someone's life by dropping them a card, letters, postcards and the occasional care package!

Come on! Adopt a soldier...

http://soldiersangels.com/adopt_a_soldier.php

Tags: soldier adopt make a difference patriotic

The Ship: A Parable of Immortality By Henry Van Dyke

http://tracyat.gaia.com — Tue, 05 Sep 2006 18:01:54 GMT

"I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength, and I stand and watch until at last she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come down to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says, 'There she goes!'

Gone where?

Gone from my sight ... that is all.

She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of destination. Her diminished size is in me, not in her.

And just at the moment when someone at my side says, 'There she goes!' there are other eyes watching her coming and their voices ready to take up the glad shouts 'Here she comes!’

This is how I see and understand death.”

Tags: death grief grieving loss

The Top 10 Ways To Give A Great Eulogy Speech

http://tracyat.gaia.com — Tue, 05 Sep 2006 17:56:55 GMT

By Tracy A. Phaup

Being asked to give a eulogy can be a daunting occasion to rise to for a countless number of possible reasons. Giving a eulogy for those that meant the most to us means trying to come to terms with our loss enough in order to even be coherent and to also fulfill our deep need to do them justice. We may also be asked to give a eulogy for someone that we may have had a difficult relationship with, or perhaps even for someone that we did not know that well. Or we may even be so moved by what this person has meant in our lives, or perhaps by someone who loved them, that we offer to give a eulogy.

1. Recognize that being emotional about the loss is it's own form of tribute.

There can be a lot of conflicting needs in the aftermath of a major loss and negotiating them can sometimes feel like trying to pick your way across raging rapids. If this is a loss that is deeply felt by you, you may feel that you have a responsibility to "hold it together" for family and friends, especially when there are children involved, and you may have some family and friends who are so uncomfortable being around emotional people that you may also be pressured to be less emotional.

Being emotional after the death of someone important in your life is really only acknowledging that they mattered. Some of the people around you may not recognize that being upset doesn't necessarily mean that you're not OK, and I would lovingly encourage you to just make THAT OK and to recognize that your range of emotions is simply another way to express that the person you've lost from your life mattered to you.

2. Speak to whoever is conducting the service as soon as you can.

They'll have important information about how your eulogy will fit into the overall service and will be able to put a lot of your questions and concerns to rest. Also talk to them about what they'll be saying at the service. It may inspire you to speak along a similar line, or perhaps you may feel that you want to counter balance what they're saying instead, or even simply add to it.

3. Decide what you want to accomplish in your eulogy.

You can achieve several purposes in giving a eulogy, but you're going to want to focus on one main one.

What would be most important for you to accomplish in giving the eulogy? Would it be to offer comfort and solace to those who are also grieving? Would it be to remind family and friends about how lucky you all were to have this person in your life for as long as you did, and why? Would it be to celebrate the laughter and joy they brought and perhaps share some of your favorite, and perhaps most amusing, anecdotes? Would it be to help people come to terms with the loss of someone who may have been difficult or the source of pain and conflict in the family? Or would it be to remind people about how precious life is and to encourage people to live their life to the fullest?

Once you've gotten clear about that, then you want to...

4. Decide what kind of eulogy you're going to give.

How are you going to achieve your purpose in speaking about this person? Are you going to share stories or anecdotes from their life? Review their accomplishments? Talk about the impact they've had on the world? The lives they've touched? Their unique gifts and abilities? Share a poem or song that really speaks about this person and what they've meant? Offer an honest but compassionate perspective? Talk about the meaning of this person's life and their death in your own life? Ask people to stand up and share, too?

This stage of giving a eulogy is a wonderful opportunity to give yourself the time and space to be alone and to ponder these questions and kind of step back and take a loOK at the big picture of what this person's life has meant.

5. Use notes or an outline.

Develop notes or an outline for use during the eulogy and make sure that they include your important points. You can either use them during the eulogy, or take a moment and pause at the end to look them over to reassure yourself that you didn't miss any of the points you felt were important to make. If you did, go back and make them!

6. Practice.

I know it might seem a little weird to suggest practicing a eulogy, but for most people it's simply too important of an occasion to suffer missing the mark. Walking away from the podium after giving a eulogy feeling like you didn't get the job done is something that tends to stay with people - often for life. Practice it until you're ready for someone you trust to hear it and then practice it in front of them. Ask them for feedback. Their feedback can be valuable and it's certainly part of the whole point of asking them to listen, but ultimately trust yourself in how you use their feedback.

7. Be flexible.

Part of the whole point of preparation is to give ease and comfort to the delivery of the eulogy and to make sure that you walk away from the podium without regrets. As you're speaking something new may come up that feels important to you to share: let it. The preparation isn't about a regimen or being rigid - it's a structure that works best when flexed.

You may also end up dealing with a whole range of issues that simply can't be anticipated.

Coping with grief is incredibly individual and there may be one or more people at the service who's grief and pain could be disruptive to the service at any given moment in time; screaming, fainting, throwing themselves on the casket... It's all been done, and it will be again, and it might even be done during your eulogy.

Whatever your tolerance level for drama is I lovingly encourage you to be flexible about it and if something occurs as you're speaking, make it OK. There's no rule that the path of any funeral or memorial service has to be straight and narrow and there's absolutely no reason why the service can't accommodate everyone, no matter how extreme their expression of grief may be.

There are a variety of ways to respond, and just be aware that you always have choices. If you need to you can simply pause your eulogy at any given moment in time.

8. Be transparent.

There's incredible freedom in simply celebrating your own humanity and transparently revealing what's going on for you. What we can clearly express about our feelings has a tendency to disappear and move out of our way.

So feel free to openly share your concerns and fears with the people gathered there. Are you worried that something you're planning on saying will hurt someone's feelings? Say so. Are you afraid that you're going to break down sobbing during your eulogy? Acknowledge it, and let people know that if you do you're going to simply give yourself the time you need to cry before collecting yourself and going on with it. It's simply the art of intimacy at work, and what better way to invite people into your world, and into your shoes?

9. Be prepared.

Some items that you are going to want to have handy while giving the eulogy could include things like tissues, cough drops and hot tea or water. What can you anticipate your other needs might be while giving the eulogy?

10. Recognize that no eulogy is adequate for those we love most.

As powerful as words are there really are no words to express the measure of a person's life - not truly.

In speaking at my sister Paige's funeral this WAS my purpose in speaking.

The only real monument we have to the people we love who have died and gone before us is the quality of our own lives and of the lives we touch. My own life is filled with miracles that occur every day and I am living proof of the power of this woman's life - and it's my job to spend every day making her memorial just that much larger. The invitation I offered the people attending her funeral was for them to join me in allowing ourselves to be changed by this woman's life and by her untimely death and THAT would be her real eulogy - our willingness to become better friends, more thoughtful partners, more loving parents - better human beings - simply because of her. Perhaps you could even join me, as well.

Your partner in saying "YES!" passionately to life,
Tracy A. Phaup
http://www.Tracy-Phaup.com

This article may be redistributed freely as long as it is reproduced in it's entirety and fully and properly credited. If you wish to redistribute a shorter or modified version, please contact the author.

Tags: eulogy, memorial, memoriam, eulogy speech, Paige, Vannessa Paige Turner Thigpen

Top 10 Ways to Create an Integrity Day

http://tracyat.gaia.com — Wed, 09 Aug 2006 23:53:27 GMT

By Tracy A. Phaup

An integrity day is an afternoon or day that you come together with a group of people that all want to accomplish things that will bring you all into in integrity with your selves and others. Often, these are things that you’ve all been putting off.

Ideally you want to set up the integrity day to last for at least four hours, but no longer than an ordinary day. You’ll have conference calls scheduled throughout the time set aside for the integrity day.

The day starts by coming together on the call, telling everyone what you’re going accomplish within the next hour and they cheer you on – you listen to what they’re going to accomplish and you cheer them on - and then the race is on to see how much you can get done before the next scheduled call.

Great way to be held lovingly accountable and to use the synergy of the group to get things accomplished that’s both fun and powerful.

Here’s how to Create Your Integrity Day:

1. Create a list of S.M.A.R.T goals that can be accomplished in the time frame set up for the integrity day.

So, if the group is working for four hours, what can you accomplish in those four hours?

(A S.M.A.R.T. goal is a goal that is Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Tangible.)

2. Plan what your reward will be for accomplishing your S.M.A.R.T goals.

Keep the reward in proportion to the goals – that increases the likelihood of another successful integrity day the next time you create one.

3. Set up buddies ahead of time for the integrity day.

Everyone in the group should be working with a buddy throughout their integrity day. If you have an odd number of people you can simply set up a buddy threesome. The buddies should create a plan to check in with each other in whatever way works best for them – phone or email – in between the times the entire group is scheduled to call. So, if the conference calls are set up for every two hours then the buddies will be connecting at least every hour.

4. Use your buddy ahead of time to plan your integrity day.

It’s sometimes easy to misjudge the amount of time or effort that a project will take. Setting up the buddies before the integrity day and coming to the first call already fired up to go is an awesome way to start. Finding out in the middle of an integrity day that the goals were either too impossible for the time frame or even too easy saps the momentum of the entire group. Working with your buddy before the day even starts means that you’re not only working on creating a more intimate relationship, it means that your buddy has an opportunity to give feedback or advice about adjusting your goals for the Integrity Day. Make estimations about how time consuming each goal is, and work from there.

5. Pick goals that are about YOUR accomplishments.

Life is a team sport, but an Integrity Day isn’t a day to make promises for other people. It’s YOUR day. If other people have to do their part in order for you to accomplish the goal then you might want to rethink it. Maybe the goal can be doing your part and it’s just the icing on the cake if they do theirs.

6. Debrief.

At the end of the day debrief with your team and then more privately with your buddy right after.

7. And during the debriefing - celebrate the successes.

Whether the goals are entirely accomplished or not it’s about celebrating the successes. Sometimes tackling a goal means that the first stage turns out to be about finding out what the unknown obstacles were to getting it accomplished. THAT’s an accomplishment, too!! So, now you may have other goals to accomplish before that one will be complete, but that’s ok. An integrity day is about nothing but pom poms, woo hoo's and “go get ‘em tiger’s”!

8. Learn the lessons.

What are the lessons you’ve learned from your integrity day? If you could have anybody in the world – from anytime throughout history – coach you about how your integrity day went, how do you think they would coach you? What would they say? What would they acknowledge about your day? What would they say the lessons are for you?

9. Rinse.

Surrender to whatever the day was for you and let it pass behind you.

10. Now repeat.

Create another Integrity Day. Twice a week is the recommended dosage.

Your partner in saying “YES!” passionately to life,
Tracy A. Phaup
http://www.Tracy-Phaup.com

This article may be redistributed freely as long as it is reproduced in it’s entirety and fully and properly credited. If you wish to redistribute a shorter version, please contact the author.

Tags: achievement, integrity, accomplishment, top 10, team

The 100th Monkey By Ken Keyes, Jr.

http://tracyat.gaia.com — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 12:42:06 GMT

A story about social change

The Japanese monkey, Macaca fuscata, has been observed in the wild for a period of over 30 years. In 1952, on the island of Koshima scientists were providing monkeys with sweet potatoes dropped in the sand. The monkeys liked the taste of the raw sweet potatoes, but they found the dirt unpleasant.

An 18-month-old female named Imo found she could solve the problem in a nearby stream. She taught this trick to her mother. Her playmates also learned this new way and they taught their mothers, too. This cultural innovation was gradually picked up by various monkeys before the eyes of the scientists.

Between 1952 and 1958, all the young monkeys learned to wash the sandy sweet potatoes to make them more palatable. Only the adults who imitated their children learned this social improvement. Other adults kept eating the dirty sweet potatoes.

Then something startling took place. In the autumn of 1958, a certain number of Koshima monkeys were washing sweet potatoes—the exact number is not known. Let us suppose that when the sun rose one morning there were 99 monkeys on Koshima Island who had learned to wash their sweet potatoes. Let’s further suppose that later that morning, the hundredth monkey learned to wash potatoes.

THEN IT HAPPENED!

By that evening almost everyone in the tribe was washing sweet potatoes before eating them. The added energy of this hundredth monkey somehow created an ideological breakthrough!

But notice. A most surprising thing observed by these scientists was that the habit of washing sweet potatoes then jumped over the sea …Colonies of monkeys on other islands and the mainland troop of monkeys at Takasakiyama began washing their sweet potatoes!

Thus, when a certain critical number achieves an awareness, this new awareness may be communicated from mind to mind. Although the exact number may very, the Hundredth Monkey Phenomenon means that when only a limited number of people know of a new way, it may remain the consciousness property of these people. But there is a point at which if only one more person tunes-in to a new awareness, a field is strengthened so that this awareness is picked up by almost everyone! …

You may be the "Hundredth Monkey"…

http://www.everybodygoes.com/coaching/stories-that-coach/100th-monkey-by-ken-keyes-jr.htm

Tags: critical mass, world transformation, imo

When was the last time you....

http://tracyat.gaia.com — Sun, 06 Aug 2006 17:40:59 GMT

...built a sand castle?

...turned off your cell phone or pager?

...rode bumper cars?

...camped out under the stars?

...walked barefoot in the grass?

...were kissed by a puppy?

...played with the kids?

...went skinny dipping?

...ran through the sprinklers?

...laughed and cried while watching life?

...read poetry out loud to someone else?

...hugged your neighbor?

...went out of your way to make sure the people you love “got it”?

...walked in the rain - with no umbrella?

...kissed your partner while standing in the rain?

...watched the sun set?

...felt ocean spray on your face?

...fell in love? Or let yourself fall in love all over again?

...laughed so hard your face hurt?

...really appreciated a hot shower? ... or a short line at the supermarket?

...sent someone a special card?

...took a drive to nowhere just because?

...turned down a road to take it just because it was beautiful?

...played your favorite song?

...lay in bed listening to the rain outside?

...used hot towels fresh out of the dryer?

...drank a Chocolate milkshake (or vanilla or strawberry)?

...took a leisurely bubble bath?

...giggled?

...laughed at yourself?

...were on a midnight phone call that lasted for hours?

...ran through the sprinklers?

...laughed for absolutely no reason at all?

...had someone tell you that you're beautiful?

...told someone that they were beautiful?

...laughed at an inside joke?

...really, and I mean REALLY!, told your friends how much they mean to you?

...really appreciated waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep?

...thought about your first kiss?

...went out of your way to make a new friend?

...took a road trip with a friend?

...drank hot cocoa in front of a fire?

...went swinging on the swings?

...took chicken soup to a sick friend?

...sent someone homemade cookies in the mail?

...just sat and watched the sun rise?

...just sat and watched it set?

...felt grateful for another day on earth?

...did the right thing in spite of what other people would think?

...went to the beach?

...took a trip to the mountains?

...took a bubble bath?

...laughed at yourself?

...laughed so hard your face hurt?

...talked on the phone for hours - just for fun?

...laid in a hammock?

...read a good book?

...had a pajama party?

...did something silly to brighten someone's day?

...performed a random act of kindness?

...played "Secret Santa" for somebody just because?

...really expressed love when you made love?

...took a picnic basket to the beach?

...decided not to answer the phone because you were having dinner with your family?

Isn't it time you...?

http://www.everybodygoes.com/articles/when-was-the-last-time.htm

Your partner in saying “YES!” passionately to life,
Tracy A. Turner
http://www.tracyaturner.com

Tags: fun, values, inner child, priorities, living life to the fullest

An update on the adventure!

http://tracyat.gaia.com — Sat, 05 Aug 2006 17:27:36 GMT

I know I disapeared off the radar for a while; I hope you all don't mind but I need to take a second and share so I can get a greater sense of accomplishment out of the long days this week that I've been spending banging on the keyboard.

I'd gotten my blogs set up this week for both the "Take The Coaching Challenge" (the description is still under construction) and the "One A Day" Thought For the Day, as well as http://www.tracyaturner.com/ and 300 quotes pages in everybodygoes.com - and THEN as the subscriptions were coming in realized that the way I'd done it just wasn't going to work.

(If you're interested in signing up you should be able to at any of the sites listed below (crossing my fingers and hoping I didn't overlook anything)).

So - last night I hit undo (only took about 4 hours!) and redo (another 6 or so - insert a glass of sherry (all right - maybe two) here!...) - but I'm done!

And they work!

And imagine - now I can actually focus on developing content or write an article or something crazy like that....

Sooooo....

http://www.famous-quotes-and-inspirational-quotes.com/ - still needs some love on the copy - any and all suggestions appreciated...

http://everybody-goes.blogspot.com/

http://tracyaturner.blogspot.com/

http://quotes-famous.blogspot.com/

I also set up an account at Flickr.com this week and was able to write out the poem that accompanies it in Flickr and with a click of the button it sent it all along with the the thumbnail image of the peacock to the love quotes blog - it's a beautiful thing!

You can check out the result at http://love-quotes-quotations.blogspot.com/

I've also set my blogs up so that I can simply email the content and don't have to actually log in to them except to fru fru it up.

So - now I just get to go finish setting up the newsletters.

What a ride!

Thanks for listening...

Your partner in saying “YES!” passionately to life,
Tracy A. Turner
http://www.tracyaturner.com/

Tags: what a ride, internet marketing, seo, blog, blogging, thought for the day, inspirational, motivation

Ahhhhh... Hurricane season! There's nothing else quite like it!

http://tracyat.gaia.com — Thu, 03 Aug 2006 04:29:12 GMT

For a redux of some classic hurricane humor drop in and visit http://www.flickr.com/photos/tracyaturner/sets/72157594222335838/

Your partner in saying "YES!" passionately to life - even during hurricane season and staring straight down the barrel! (smile)
Tracy A. Turner
http://www.tracyaturner.com/

Tags: humor, satire, hurricane, hurricane humor, black humor

My Technorati Profile

http://tracyat.gaia.com — Thu, 03 Aug 2006 02:21:59 GMT

My Technorati Profile - a way to keep track of all your favorite blogs!

Your partner in saying "YES!" passionately to life,
Tracy A. Turner
http://www.tracyaturner.com/

Tags: blog, blogging, technorati

A Life That Matters By Michael Josephson

http://tracyat.gaia.com — Wed, 02 Aug 2006 23:26:37 GMT

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end. There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days. All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else. Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance. It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed. Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear.

So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire. The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away. It won't matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end. It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant. Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured? What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built; not what you got, but what you gave. What will matter is not your success, but your significance.

What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught. What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example. What will matter is not your competence, but your character. What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when you're gone. What will matter is not your memories, but the memories that live in those who loved you. What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident. It's not a matter of circumstance but of choice. Choose to live a life that matters. It really matters!

A Life That Matters By Michael Josephson

Your partner in saying "YES!" passionately to life,
Tracy A. Turner
http://www.tracyaturner.com/

Tags: circumstances, death, dying, what matters, life that matters, living life to the fullest, epitaph, sole uncontested author

Now here's a neat idea!

http://tracyat.gaia.com — Wed, 02 Aug 2006 16:17:53 GMT

Di over at http://journeytaker.zaadz.com/ has a fantastic idea that I'm heartily in support of...

To quote:

Blog It Forward!

Reach out and touch someone new! Why not find three blogs each week not on your current list of friends and leave a comment in the ones that resonate? You may make a new zaadz friend as well, along with honoring the words and thoughts of another. The positive exchange of energy is what makes zaadz so special to me, and being a part of the flow can really make someone's day.... Including your own!

Thanks for the idea, Di - I'm Paying It Forward!

Who are you going to Pay It Forward to today?

Your partner in saying "YES!" passionately to life,
Tracy A. Turner
http://www.tracyaturner.com/

Tags: zaadz, Di, pay it forward, pay it forward, pay it forward, journey taker, paying it forward

The Top 10 Ways To Profoundly Affect Others

http://tracyat.gaia.com — Mon, 31 Jul 2006 00:15:58 GMT

by Thomas Leonard

We all affect others anyway. Why not affect them profoundly? Here are 10 proven ways to do this, all of which will make you a lot more attractive to others and to yourself.

1. Listen for and point out the special gifts, traits or talents of the other person.

Most people are listening for what they need from the other person. When you're listening for what's special or unique about a person -- and point it out -- you'll very much affect them positively, with very, very little effort on your part. What if you did this during every conversation you had for the rest of your life? Hmm, sounds pretty attractive to me.

2. Listen and respond-in-kind to the underlying emotion of the other person.

Facts and information are valuable, but are rarely profound. What is profound is people, emotions and concepts. Next time you're listening to your child, client or friend, feel what they are feeling and respond in kind to that, instead of just to what they are saying. Feelings are the fastest way to the person's heart.

3. Deliver nuggets/messages that can be remembered and retransmitted.

There is something called memes, which are basically the idea-equivalent of genes. Read Richard Brodie's book "Virus of the Mind" for the complete story. But the idea is that when you can package information, concepts or truth into nugget-sized packages, they don't only land easily on the person you're talking to, but that person can pass them on to others easily, like a virus. Virus, get it? The biggest thing in life right now is the competition between memes and genes. (By the way, memes will win because they can mutate and retransmit millions of times faster than genes can.) So, become memetically attractive. In other words, have simple, worthwhile, intriguing things to say. It's as simple as that.

4. Have so accepted and endorsed your worst weaknesses that others feel safe around you.

A lot of attraction works without you having to 'work it.' It happens by itself, behind the scenes. And one of the ways to profoundly affect others is to be so 'over yourself' that they, too, can get over themselves. We're all gripped by eye-popping fears and compelling desires, but when you've reached that place in life where you aren't affected by any of this stuff -- because you've fully accepted your humanness, faults AND talents, then others can have the same experience of themselves. It's magical. And profoundly attractive.

5. Open up new worlds for people, in their thinking, feeling or priorities.

In other words, pull the rug out from folks whenever you can, but quickly give them a new chair to plop into on their way down. You can draw a missing distinction, question an antiquated assumption, challenge a strongly-held belief, plant a seed of a different crop, ask a strong inquiry-type question or give them words to express what they are barely able to sense. Okay, so that's a lot to learn if the above communication skills are new to you. But, boy are they fun!

6. Show others how to experience better what they already have.

The point of unhooking yourself from the future and focusing more on today is made elsewhere in one of the Attraction Principles. But that principle is the parent of this one -- to show others how to better use and make more of what they already have, whether it be a problem or a gift. Most folks are so future oriented that they miss out on the opportunities staring right at them in the present. Be their eyes and ears for a minute and help them see the value of what's already all around them.

7. Remind people who they are instead of just complimenting them on what they've done.

Praise and acknowledgment is nice, but that's a bit like telling your dog that his tail wags really well. Huh? The idea here is to focus on the person behind the accomplishment or problem. It's the fundamental distinction of who vs what. When you help the person get more in touch with the who (they are), they'll produce better whats. If you focus primarily on the whats, you'll soon be expecting the tail to wag the dog.

8. Give people something meaningful to do.

I don't understand why, but most people are pretty bored. They are waiting
for something interesting and meaningful to do. It seems that most people are being drugged by television, thus live in a sort of an excited stupor, if that's possible. So, if you're someone who is up to something and are willing to include people in on your game or project, most people will get meaning from that -- from being asked to play, but also by the game itself and the people they meet along the way. If you're working on a project, OPEN IT UP and profoundly affect a lot of other people. It's a perfect path to attraction.

9. Give people the tools they need to improve and evolve.

The beginning of my evolving to computers happened in 1987 when the MIS director where I worked said he had an extra copy of Lotus 1-2-3 and asked if I wanted it. I barely knew that I should want it, but I faked a resounding 'Sure!' That single event changed my life forever and it took him about 10 seconds. He offered me a tool that, for some reason, he felt would help me. And it opened up a new world for me even though I no longer use Lotus 1-2-3, or even a spreadsheet! What tools do you currently have available to you that would profoundly affect others? Share all them.

10. Don't try to profoundly affect others.

Okay, I had to toss this one in here. The idea is that the objective here is not to profoundly affect others. Because that'll get you into trouble, especially when they don't want to be profoundly affected. "Get away from me!" they'll shriek. You get the picture. However, what you can do is to care for others and share the above stuff with those who want it. That way, 'profoundly affecting' others won't become your cause, banner or reason for living. That would be pretty unattractive.

Copyright 97, 98, 99, 00, 2001 www.CoachVille.com

This content may be used in full, with copyright, contact, and creation information intact, without specific permission, when used only in a not-for-profit context. For other uses, permission in writing from CoachVille is required. Questions: email editor@topten.org

Tags: gifts, listening, meaning, inspire, impact, listen, solutions, memes, meaningful, thomas leonard, self-acceptance

Top Ten Ways To Make Powerful Requests

http://tracyat.gaia.com — Sun, 30 Jul 2006 23:55:40 GMT

by Tracy A. Phaup

According to some experts there are only two ways to create in the world: making promises and making requests. Here are the Top Ten Ways to make those requests powerful ones.

1. Make them.

Making requests is a major source of power and some people need to start by simply making them. Make requests and make them direct ones. We often make indirect requests by communicating a need and "hoping" that the unspoken request will be heard and honored. Making explicit requests brings these "shoulds" out into the open.

2. Make sure that there's an effective listener - that the request is being heard.

Some people have a more conscious relationship to giving their word than others. Do what needs to be done to make sure that you have a conscious and effective listener to your requests. Otherwise, you could be counting on someone to honor a request that they didn't even really hear.

3. Be specific in exactly what is being asked for.

Get clear about what you need and then eliminate any room for interpretation in getting those needs met. Don't, for example, request "support in going back to school". Make the exact requests that are needed. "I'm requesting that you take over both fixing dinner - and doing the kids' homework with them - on weeknights so that I can use that time to study."

Otherwise, you're left open to either getting "support" that doesn't actually support you, or getting "support" that you don't even recognize as support and left feeling like the request was never honored.

4. Make sure that there is agreement on the time frame.

This is not only necessary to include as part of a request for it to empower both you and the person accepting the request, it's a powerful way to avoid upsets. Even the simplest of requests like "Would you please take out the trash?" can lead to frustration and upset if there isn't an explicit agreement on the time frame.

Don't make assumptions.

Instead, "Would you please stop what you're doing and take out the trash now?"

5. Get a response. There are three possible responses to a request: yes, no, and a counteroffer.

We're all human beings and we're often tempted to say nothing at all rather than have to say "no". Getting a response makes sure that you're not assuming a "yes" when it's simply an unspoken "no". Also, without a clear cut "yes", there is no commitment being made and much of the real power has been drained out of the request.

"No" is a perfectly legitimate response to a request. If you don't think so, then you're not making requests; you're making demands or taking hostages.

Powerful requests often take some negotiating, and counteroffers are a powerful way to bring people to the "table".

When you're the one being asked to accept a request, get clear on what you would be agreeing to and be willing to say "no".

6. Make requests for something that wasn't going to happen anyway.

Making requests is an underutilized art form and many of us aren't very good at. The kinds of requests people often make are requests for something that was going to happen anyway. Mastering this aspect of requests is like building a muscle and it takes discipline and commitment to develop.

7. Be willing to be responsible for it no matter how it turns out.

Making a request and evoking a commitment to honor it doesn't mean we're done. Powerful requests need to be managed. Being willing to be responsible for it all means that we stay connected to what is being created by our request. Powerful requests may need to be renegotiated to ensure that everyone continues to be set up to win.

Powerful requests also need to be managed with accountability. When we don't hold people accountable for their commitment to honor our requests we send a message that will undermine any commitments they make to us in the future.

Being willing to be responsible for it all gives us the freedom we need to learn all of the lessons that that are available to us from our effectiveness, or our lack of it, at making powerful requests and at managing them.

8. Be powerful.

Be straight, risky, and clean in your communication and open the door wide to simply taking what you get as a response. Take the risk of hearing a "no".

9. Be inspiring.

Make powerful requests that inspire cooperation.

10. Be unreasonable.

Be unreasonable in your expectations of yourself and others far beyond what you think they are capable of. Also be unreasonable in your expectations of others' willingness to support you. Make unreasonable requests! It's the only way to get unreasonable amounts of support.

Your partner in saying "YES!" passionately to life,
Tracy A. Phaup
http://www.Tracy-Phaup.com

This article may be redistributed freely as long as it is reproduced in it's entirety and fully and properly credited. If you wish to redistribute a shorter version, please contact the author.

Tags: listening, power, responsibility, interpretation, responsible, request, commitments